“I’m not sure that I would necessarily recommend my way of thinking to everyone, but this is how I think about death. I hope it’s helpful to you.
I once had cancer. People who have never had cancer generally don’t know that detection, treatment, and surgery for cancer has come farther in the past 10 years probably than the previous 100. The rate of “cured” people, like me, who are deemed to be completely free of cancer, not just in remission, would be surprising to many I think.
That being said, even though I knew that there was only a very low risk of dying in my case… I still had to face it – the possibility that I may die. At some point I realized that I might die at any time. I certainly will die sometime. There’s no getting around it. It will happen, and I don’t know when. Realizing that made me more okay with that chance. What were the chances that I would never be born? What are the chances that I lived until now? It seems unbelievably unlikely. There’s no chance that I’m not going to die. I’m happy to be alive while I still am.
We are all going to die, and life is very short. So, when someone you know has passed over, be assured you will be together in death soon. Even if you live to be a thousand, it would merely be a drop of water in the ocean of time. We’re all just a drop of time away. We will all be together in death before you know it, life is so short.
Grief is a positive energy. It is a healing energy. We must grieve. Grief IS love. You never lost it, it just feels different now. It’s a feeling that is incredibly painful, but ultimately one that we keep choosing to feel. Imagine that you could instantaneously forget your mom, or just stop loving them in any way. Their death would be like a stranger’s death. The worst pain is in trying not to feel it, you’d just be fighting against yourself – and against love.
People sometimes ask how to get over grief. Well, you could stop feeling love for them, then their death would mean nothing to you. Except no one wants to do that. There is nothing to protect from, for grief IS love. The battle raging inside you is that you want to stop feeling the pain, and you want to hold onto the love. Unfortunately, they are one and the same. People die. Everyone you know will die. I will die. You will die. Well yeah, that sucks ass.
Imagine a person wins a thousand dollars. It feels so great. They madly jump up and down. They are very excited! They throw a party maybe. Maybe they share some, maybe they donate some.
The next day, they win another thousand! They feel amazing! The next day, they win another thousand! They plan a trip! Then another! Then another! Every day a thousand dollars! How long are they excited? A year later, are they jumping up and down in mad excitement?
Five years later, are they excited and throwing a party for the thousand they won on a Monday morning? Ten years later, do they even notice?
You might say, “Hey, you just won thousands of dollars!”… to which would be replied…
“It’s always like that.”
Now imagine a person in grief. The first day, they cry. At some point, it’s “always like that”. It will always be this way. It was always going to be this way. Life is very short, we will all be together in death soon. Eventually you can get used to anything. Bad things can’t last forever, because at some point, they’re just normal. It becomes another part of who you are. The first day, you cry your eyes out… or even if you didn’t, there’s a crying deep down inside of you. Eventually, you’ll get used to it, everybody does in their own way.
If you could erase your grief in an instant, and never feel bad about her death, I don’t think that it would be honoring that person’s positive presence in your life, or honoring your own human soul’s existence by denying what you feel and what you are. It’s amazing, the grace of people living in joy with death constantly at our shoulder, both our own, and the ones we love. We don’t know when it’s going to happen, just that it will, and yet we rise to joy again and again without fear. If you didn’t have to deal with the fact that people die, that would mean that you never met them, or that you never loved them, or even that they had never lived… and that is so much sadder than them dying.
If you find that it gets too overwhelming, go outside. Sit on the ground. Look at the sky, check out the stars if it’s night, or look to see what the clouds look like if it’s day. I’ve even sat in the rain, if nothing else, it’s at least a distracting experience. Take deep relaxing breaths. You are going to get used to it. You can deal with it, just not in 2 seconds. Tell yourself that you just need to spread this feeling out over the correct amount of time in which to handle it, and only feel the portion of it that is appropriate for this moment.
Perhaps, being on (this) subreddit, you’ve come to the realization that many of us do… that death is not the end.
Maybe I’m blessed that I’ve seen a ghost when I was a kid, and have heard many other people speak of them… even though people could argue that I may have been hallucinating, it gave me an indication that there may be something more.
I believe that there’s more to the story. It’s not a happy occasion for a person to die, and it makes sense that you’d be sad that they’ve moved on. I don’t have a belief that it all ends there. I don’t know exactly what happens to our souls, our consciousness.
I have read and heard the words of prophets, witnesses, and storytellers through religion and myths and urban myths and fables and various spiritual writings and science… and I recognize that I simply do not know everything.
What reason do I have to think that these people did not have these experiences that they describe? Is it simply because I have not had them? Because the people around me did not have them? But these stories come from all over the world and extend into our most ancient history. Not only that, but I feel like I can see it written all over my own life… in synchronicity, coincidences, and strange feelings or events that make me start to say, “My mind is playing tricks on me…” but why should I think that? “…or is it?” This is how that thought finishes for me these days.
I have seen a ghost, I have felt presences, I have seen signs, I have spoken to many others who have, I have heard multitudes of stories from many sources. Death is not THE end. It is just AN end. I believe you will see her again. I believe that souls that want to be together, will be… they find a way. You still have a connection, and always will. That connection is where she ends… and where you begin. You’ll never completely be apart.
I believe that if you speak to her, she will hear you in some way, just as I believe that God hears every prayer. Keep your eyes and your mind open for signs, if you like. Many people see them. I make no guarantees, but many people report them, and I’ve seen them myself.
When I think of how everything had to have happened for me to be where I am… Well, I learned a lot of lessons on the way. I had a lot of good times, I loved a lot, I lost a lot… It’s been an incredible story so far. To me, my life is like a story that I am playing out for myself and for the universe and for God. Can I make it a good one? When your mom watches your life from the other side, will she be happy?
Even though I’m far from being a perfect person, I like who I am, and I’m glad to be me… and when I die, which I hope isn’t soon, I hope I have the wherewithal for my last thought to be, “What an awesome journey!”
I can see you guys were close. I can only imagine that if they could send you a message, it would go something like, “Thank you so much for being in my life. You made it so much better. You taught me so much. There is no pain here. You will never lose me, I am always with you, and I will love you forever.”
It will get better.
It’s ok to cry.”subreddit comment by Green Eyes
Life becomes very internal, very personal. Also, other people become very real and I feel for them, but they will not heal me and I cannot be their dedicated healer. We only heal each other in moments when we illustrate our philosophies for each other – and maybe through that we shine light on Other Realities, reorient mind.
Sacred Desert would serve better as my private place. A secret bulletin board of wants and expressions. It is private and this is public. Lol – for now. When i think I’m so sure of something, turns out I’m not.