Years ago I had a Death Dream with a funny ending.
I was in a school, full of students and activity going on that I guess you would find typical for a school. People interested in each other and in their work. I felt welcome here, and I “got it” as far as how to “be a student”, but I wasn’t into it. I knew the people around me were sweet souls, and progressing happily, but I felt like I was going along with it like I had no choice and had to resign myself to a life I didn’t fit into. A pretender, due to no fault of my own.
A teacher, full of life and enthusiasm for the job and the students’ processes met me as I walked a bit off of campus to hang out by myself in the grass at the school’s border. I can’t remember his face, but I remember his smile being genuine and I felt a connection to him because he was pretty loving toward me. He asked me “where do you want to go”? Excited to be granted what I felt was going to be my wish made true, I pointed at the horizon where the beautiful sun was setting upon a simple landscape made beautiful by the golden light, and said “There”. I thought I would be taken there immediately – thought we would fly there – and was excited to have it happen. Instead, he smiled, took my hand and lead me down the grassy hill as I became aware immediately that he was going to take me there, but we were going to walk. I was disappointed, but also had to laugh inside at the typical nature of having a life where human rules apply, and while I was alive I had to walk life, not fly. (Ok, well, I thought it was funny).