Something really fucking bad happened to these two sisters who went to Florida, many years ago. People get fucked up by life. Really affected by it for the rest of their lives. I wish I could help them heal, or at least not get any worse. People who were paranoid before must have been utterly fucked up by 2020. This is all serious business, but if I’mma be honest, I have a smile on my face and have the chuckles. I’m scared of who we are and could be. Really shitty, like WWII “go ahead and murder my neighbors” shitty. The potential is real and we control it. Every day. Inside ourselves, our families, one’s culture, our society.
Today was really good. Two, wonderful, professional men helped me with my scariest start-of-something all year. I feel perfectly safe, and that is NOT how I expected to end this day. Not at all. I ended up having the nicest day. Wow. I even went to Target afterward. Picked up a summer’s worth of clinical-strength deodorant (my brand is Secret and it’s fucking great); organic bread; mint Pep’ridge Fahm cookies; Windex (a rare buy – I never seem to run out of it); I was tempted to buy this make-up, basically because it had amazing paper design with gold foil and tiny cat heads in the pattern – …uhh, I lost my point.
I find myself feeling angry at people this week. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so bothered by people, socially. I guess it’s just par for being around so many people and so regularly, too. Yuck, I don’t like social challenges, like, I want to become more practiced at patience and being aware of my deeper understandings which tend to bring me peace and calm and openness to joy. But I’m human and I have to go through this shit. It does help me understand people. In fact, I understand how people do not have control of their feelings.
Oh how wonderful it has been to have this perfect day. We had coffee on the balcony, we went for a swim, we then went for a hike, on the drive up listening to Front 242 (same freaking morning! it was wonderful), then some groceries, then home.
Days in Spring that are like the hottest of summer. Doesn’t feel right. The forest is dying. We met a rich man who invited us up to his house on the slope. He left a bucket of water under the bridge to help burros who may be seeking water.
It was near perfect up there. A beautiful retreat, and overcast. So many wildflowers, and butterflies. Good, warm pine forest smells.
I feel like I’ve begun a lucky phase. I am so glad.
I got a wise owl at the grocery store to remind me to put my heart and my head in a good space in all the deepest ways I can.
It’s been a wonderful weekend! Wonderful. I watched several great documentaries. I enjoyed good food. I swam. I smelled the forest.
A lady I was kind to came back after she left and handed me this angel painted on a rock and walked out without saying a word. I was deeply touched. I know why she gave it to me, and I am honored by her gift. I want to live up to it, as a kind-hearted person, who wants to help people in transition, to help them move through things, and to heal:
Oh, yeah, and I talked to my dad today. He was at breakfast, with a big group of family at Original Pancake House and he got one of their rare apple pancakes (I guess they sell out quick and only make a certain amount). He sounded so incredibly happy…! So happy!!! Deep down, all around, full of joy was he. I am SO glad…<3