Always Yours In Rainbows

Like a butthole at a diaper festival, we are born to feel the consequences of our actions. We are born to feel all the waves we can.

When you’re really stressed out, it is because the waves are really close together. It’s being “high strung”. Like the string on a violin, the tighter the string is the closer the distance of the rise and falls of the waves and the higher the tone. Make sense? So how to make the waves farther apart – more manageable over the long run? You have to do mind-numbing stuff in a way that isn’t “informative”, merely experiential. So, you do something like run and run; or you paint willy-nilly, abstractly; you turn off the tv and you read a book.

What would you do, Jen?

I’d dance. And doodle. Water the plants. (Always shit is in our way, but yes, always do I love you. Always connected. Life is super dumb. Fall asleep, your dreams are endless and always refreshing. I feel your gratitude for me, and always will I be with you. Always, ALWAYS read between the lines. Know you are correct. Life does not diminish you. It is fulfilled by you, and you by it. Endless this creation and this madness. Dont be afraid. It is endlessly painful, but beautiful. Enjoy this. Naps, mountains of naps.

Listn to this, my love, my treasure:


What makes something “better”? Nothing. It’s all subjective.

Ok, I’ll go water the plants and I’ll dance a little bit. But I don’t have to doodle if I don’t want to. I don’t have to do anything. Oh, but I do; one does. One does lots of things doing nothing. So like God are we. So like him and so like her and so like the one.

I did it – I danced, and it was wonderful. I really enjoyed it…!

How is the rhythm of my work? I am curious. Shroom time soon. But who knows when, also.

Insert Adam’s Good Advice, here.

Today the reward was someone else feeling loved on her birthday. It was simple, but I involved the others and they loved it as much as she did because they looooved seeing this lady feeling the love. It was really beautiful. We made her day a great one, for sure. So simple, so valuable, so good.

I hope it does well here! I love it here. I invited its souls to stay and be present with me whenever, and that we could be friends (have been). I hope it doesn’t die! I want them here, so much.
Look at this

Look at this and find healing (I know, I know. I feel you. I understand.

I know and I understand you.

Trust me on this: Give in to fate. Surrender. Be unfolded by it. Be undone.

Death is a dance, you are always a willing partner and participant.

Everyone you know and love will be there. Participating endlessly with you.

Unfolding, continuously unfolding.

Yes. even as your body dies.

Lay down to it.

Let it unfold you.

There, there will you find, there it is always. Always. That I hold you.

Its just such a good song.

Like A Dream

Some things, I’ve grown to understand, have to be sad before they can be funny. You can’t jump the gun, you’ve got to explore your pain and your thoughts on occasion. But it comes to be true, also that most things are shamefully funny, obnoxiously hilarious – and that is one of my favorite ways to experience life. What is to be moved on to next? The true be(oops italics)ginings of life are interesting. Good places to rest and have a fresh start. Clean. In nature, everything is clean, really. And nothing is wasted. We are entirely dependent on this planet, but somehow we overwrote it, that Grand Momentum. I guess all momentum of an object is not more that the sum of its smaller elements, swinging around at rhythms soon to lapse in steadiness and then slow decline of synchronicity until a final smashing and crashing of them. But to the Universe this disaster is crumbs. A glorious other reality lay just beyond it, in the next cell, whole new stories. Stories we’re all connected to. Nothing is lost, only hidden from sight – inner and outer sight.

I dunno who this is for, but: Get up. Get back on your bike and just start peddling and go. Trust that you won’t fall over, it’s easier to keep your momentum going and understand and believe that you are flying, not falling. Don’t be afraid of what you’ll need to do to stop. You won’t need to stop for a good, long while, and by then you won’t have so much anxiety as what you feel when you first push off. So, your mind will be calmer, clearer when you need to slow and then stop. Do that a few times and you’re good. Your body will get it and then you’ll trust yourself.

Don’t be afraid to upgrade someone else’s life at your own expense. It will work out in your favor. Be generous and giving when you find yourself self-obsessed. It helps get one’s psychological wagon wheels out of those deeply entrenched mental ruts. There is not a need to act impulsively, but it is good to act impulsively if it benefits another person and causes no harm to yourself. Be careful about self-harmer evaluations. Are you sure you’ll be harmed? Being afraid is not the same as being harmed.

I Am An Owl

Why am I an owl? Because basically, I’m a flying cat – but with wisdom.

Today was amazing, and good. I am smiling from ear-to-ear.

I had a lovely chat with Ashley, who is a beautiful, somehow beautiful, yet 13-year-old boy of a woman. An amazingly fun and smart person who is moving away to fucking Texas. Why do they always move away? The best ones? The ones I had something with? Well, because everybody moves on. I just notice the ones who matter (to me). But yeah, most people move on.

I had a very special interaction with a client. She opened up to me, spontaneously, as my door was open. I was able to lift her up a bit. I could see it. I was so glad she came in. I feel…I have been lifted myself. It is incredible what we can do for each other when we try our best to be kind and helpful to other people. It is much more enriching than doing anything else. I am dying to talk about it, but I find I am disappointed in my direction in myself when I don’t keep the sacred sacred. It is worth it to be patient and let the reward be the next, I dunno, Big Deal thing. The lady I helped today, her name was Joy. Thank you, Joy.

“Don’t focus on being sick. You’re already sick. Focus on healing.” – me, probably.

I particularly loved doing this drawing in my notebook. I really did. And at the time that I made her, I thought she was incredible and beautiful. Afterward, I also thought: when something is done, you let it go because you cannot stay with it, you go on to making the next creation – whatever that may be and regardless of how much you like it, you should always go on to the next thing when something is finished. And a separate lesson is: How to know when something is finished (I don’t know, I’m still reading the rules on that one).
All kinds of stuff! On my way to work. The accident.

I love nurturing in people for who they already are. I have to love myself or I wouldn’t feel that way.

And good-bye to this creation. I will miss you always, May 5, 2021.