Tranquility (Summer Music)

Good summer nighttime music. Especially: First Bird To Awake. First Bird To Sing 11:24 but not sure. Would be a mood thing. Dew is Falling is pretty great with a harpsichord and all.

This happened: My hair got caught in Adam’s armpit and I went for a smol ride for a few inches down the hallway. We both agreed: it was a freak accident.

At 14:14, I just love this piece. Called, “Sea and Seasons”. I love it… ❤ I love ‘Little Bitch’ right aftwerd, too.

I don’t want to deal with social media. I hate it for how loud it is. It is a train, traveling in a straight line for a million miles – but that train is loaded with car after car of rotting carcasses, luggage filled with shit-stained lingerie and shit-stained “my best pair of shoes” shoes. Just NO. I have tried. I have gone there out of desparation whilst being desperate for a distraction from the insanity happening now in the OUTER WORLD, for god’s sake! At least on the Inner World I knew it was just ME. Also, I don’t really feel that way. I really appreciate reddit and imgur, and I know it is up to me to slow down or stop when I need to, for my own mental well-being.

Oh my god. This touches me so deeply…so deeply…I’m listening to Spin-Spin (1976), the piece (instrumental) is Sunday Afternoon’s Dream 25:04.

Today I painted a cat I rather like. I hope that by the time summer’s over, I will be painting a bit more in-depth. For some reason (and understandably possibly forever)…I dunno… I’m rambling because I’m nervous about how I’m doing working on building up my strength in all areas so that I can progress this wonderful continuum of my spirit in a more expedited way. I have a very hard time relaxing. So, that said, I can say that due to the pandemic, being forced to be home, has shown me that I am wound up TIGHTLY, and absolutely brain-fried into near stupidity with regard to the amount of pent-up release and badly needed relief of Nothing-Left-To-Do-Except-Sit-Down-With-Pen-And-Paper_look-In-The-Mirror-And -Write-What-You-See. And so, in this terrible dream I thought I was not ok, but was merely surviving, so I went ahead and did a little non-committed, free-form thought driven, art therapy and here I am today, finding that this kind of thing is (and has been for a long time, since forever) that is good for me. Endquote.

So, I’ve been making scrumptous food. i’ve been journaling in cartoon. I’ve been watching paint dry and recede from the surface of paper, taking my message into someone else’s hand one day, one day after I die. I’ve found new music. I’ve pondered my old age. Been terrorized by the thoughts generated as a natural form of chronic suffering (because, hello, human). Through that, I have more of myself from letting go of something by letting it in. Ughh. Difficulties no one can know are our burden as individuals, but I’m really rambling now. Chicken and Dumplings.

Homemade chicken and dumplings. was fucking amazing.

Happy Monday 🙂

What a great morning. Watched Christine McConnell’s Forest House Renovation Tour. She’s pretty amazing. ❤ I love how she acknowledges how important her cats and pup are to her. She recommended a band I loooove, Gunship (80’s inspired techno)

Also watched, after discovering, a hummingbird building a nest in the tree canopy right outside my kitchen window! Wow! Bringing some kind of fluff and licking (?) the surfaces and placing things just so. Also was impressed that she (he?) smoothed the nest sculpture with its wing.

Dipped into my watercolor just to plap some pigment on a free-form, visual journal page.

Later…just got back from my hike. A short and leisurely stroll through the woods, really, but that was the best I could do on such a hot and sunny day. It smelled gloriously piney, though, and it was ab solutely gorgeous and full of bird energy and all that lifey-feel stuff. But guess what? I came across a large group of beautiful, young, male deer. They saw me and some got up, but they all became very still. omg their beauty… stunning and healthy-looking. Their antlers were so soft looking. Eyelashes so long and eyes so sweet and deep. Soft black muzzles and blended strawberry-blonde, dark-red bodies. I stood a good while, sweetly speaking to them. They relaxed, but I knew I had to move on before they decided to leave. Pretty cool, though!! On my way back, I saw they were still there. But by then I went full nature-retard and decided we were all friends and spoke to them in my typical overly-familiar way and they got up and left. lol – Still pretty amazing!

Antlered friends.

No child deserves to be home-schooled by the average american. Please, wear your mask so kids can go back to school this Fall.

Ok, I think that’s enough for now. ❤

A Candle Burning Mid-Day

Videos from September. Wow, these were wonderful to relive here at home, in my new home, today!!! omg, so special. so so special. That day/evening was magic. Hearing the music again was healing to my soul, and I know I’ll have another evening like this soon, that’s the plan. A healing adventure in a new place, in a treetop canopy, so delights will abound.

Lit a candle in the middle of the day and found it to be beautiful.
A journal sketch. 🙂 “We serve each other. We’re all walking each other home.”
Thank you, magic kitty…<3

Smoekybeauty 2005-2020. My sweet girl. It was Sunday. Day of rest.

A friend of mine and I, we talked about how contrasting, the home becomes with the absence of a spirit, an energy vanished. It is surreal.

Cyndi Lauper – True Colors

I haven’t heard this is years, and I don’t think I’ve seen the video since the 80’s? My mom, when this came out and was a radio hit, told me it reminded her of me. I cringed with embarrassment, but now it’s a really nice thing. My mom’s still alive, but someday she won’t be and I will have something like this to always feel loved and protected (somehow) by her. It’s a thought that doesn’t make me sad, it makes me feel peace.


Woke up fully slept (over 8!) and happy from good dreams. Vibrant dreams with easy recall and good vibles. 😀

Also got in MY POOL for the first time! It was wonderful. I grew up being in the water and have been missing it in my life for a long, long time. Wow, I feel so grateful for anything and everything good in my life right now. Getting in the shower after my swim in the sun, this song burst into my mind and made me laugh – it’s the perfect “all is well song”.

Movin’ Right Along – The Muppets!

Real & Useful

HolUp from HolUp

The wisdom of other people is real, and useful.

Maybe,I don’t paint so much anymore (I paint a little bit, but few and far between) because I don’t (or haven’t) quite known what the art was about for Me. Don’t understand the subject fully. Yet. At least I’m still curious – I have that going for me. ❤

Today was incredible. I hiked further than I have in a long time, going up the real mountain of Mt. Charleston. It was a bit chilly when we started. It was so beautiful. I went on a part of the trail I haven’t been to in a few years (god, time’s flying) and it was like seeing an old, wonderful time of your life, a great day from out of the past. I had many of those kinds of days where I inhaled pine trees and warm forest soil. The surprising beauty of the light. The incredibly deep blue skies that can only be seen with the naked, human eye. Air, sparkling, complimentary and welcoming. A desire to touch and be touched; being desirable to Mother nature herself. Wonderful things; magical stuff. We met and passed so many lovely people. I troop of young men from the boys’ home/reformatory. I smiled at every one of them, I smiled at them like I love their souls and see them for how special and amazing they are, because they are and I have the gift to see it. It is a great gift I have that I can share. I didn’t know it was a gift till (relatively) recently, but now I get it. I know it is true. I’m not the only one, of course. There’s no congratulation; there’s no “thanks”; but it is powerful and it is power. I can use this in my own way, filtered through my self and what aspect of the Other it is that I can see, and I can mirror that beautiful thing they, the Other One is/are, in-part, Being (seeing you recognize this fact through their own , incredible truths, they see themselves. And they love you, just LOVE you for it. That moment of give-give is exquisitely, humanly, spiritually, physically, what healing is all about. My kind of engagement. My kind of day.

Oh my god, I couldn’t believe the stone I found!!! It is black, it has a fucking perfect flower in the center of it; the flower is white, and the whole stone sparkles like the underside of roof tiles. AND THEN I found a fucking tiny house/building in the woods that is long abandoned. What it was used for, I have no idea. Adam was really tired (we went far and high) and needed to be done. so, I have to go back to this place – maybe tomorrow. I will be careful. It is located (soooooo strangely) right where I planned to go sometime, by myself, and do shrooms. (That’s definitley on the Bucket List. Also need to see stars. I don’t think I’ve every really seen stars. I’ve never seen the milky way – don’t really believe what is in pictures is real? I need to look into this. This is a weird problem to have, no)? Anyhow, this spot in the woods. I won’t even describe it because it is divinely hidden right in the middle of somewhere obvious, but its location is very unseen. it is a place exactly at the right angle to be totally inconspicuous to the casual traveller; but I am no casual traveller.

My house will never be in order. No peace shall ever last. It’s the thing of wisdom to accept it and understand that life does have guarantees: everything will end; nothing lasts; but that includes bad times coming ’round to good times. Experiences are worth recording so that they may be analyzed later for optional truths and re-experiencing laughs, etc.

This past Saturday I went for what’s probably the last time all 3 owls will be together in the Record Room. I admit, it feels…I have sorrow. Soon, things will change again. Things are changing now, actually. The momentum began last year for Cam to leave this city and start the last chapter of her life, taking Kenita on an adventure across the country. I’ve no doubt I will join them at some junction where we will lay on the earth in some dark wilderness and see the stars. Ha…wow, this is what they told me and I remember that just above – few days ago – I wrote about seeing stars being something on my own Bucket List. How wonderful to do it, to have it happen.

I hope that someday I can meet the children (all grown) of my friends, and I think that’s possible. Maybe as soon as this upcoming year or two.