Sacred Desert v02112018

It is time to post this collection of thoughts I forgot existed – found in the file called ‘SD v02112108’. (I name all artistic digital documents I created by a date code, so I know where pictures and writings go, chronologically speaking, when I choose to look back on things. 🙂  So, for example, this is February 11, 2018’s compiled deeeeep thoughts and such). Here it’s:

My Mental Martial Arts

I’m about to make a major life change and its got me thinking about those I’ll be leaving behind. Got me thinking about how much they matter to me and have taught me about kindness and grace and helped me improve my mental martial art skills. Though years will make my memory of them fade – surely that’s just the way of life and the way it must be – my gratitude and periferal awareness of their influence on my character and the direction of my life’s journey will never evaporate. I surmise this level of gratitude to a kind of undying love. Though love-feelings may be pushed under by the incompassionate waves of life’s progression, storms often bring old things to shore to appreciate and remember once again. This, I have experienced many times now, and is one of the surprising pleasures of getting older.
At my best in life, there is a bird calling sweetly.
She or he, raised his or her head
So that I may know it is not weeping.

The complaints I heard, were not large in a bird,
But they flew, so it knew every place, through them, quickly.
He/She filled up the place as its stops for scenic photos caused LIGHTNING to appear (out of breath)
(out of depth)
(out and about without meaning).

“I live in a pretty prison and I sleep in a sweet cottage. I don’t worry about so much anymore. Not really worrying or concerning myself so much in a future-centric place. I sometimes feel out-dated. My mind can be a very dry place, and it’s a spooky, fucking-awful-really kind of feeling. Describing it is hard; “numb” doesn’t do it justice. Just a spooky, uncomfortable, blank expanse. Interesting thoughts, anyway, and it feels good to write this. The “I” in Jen just isn’t here. She’s out astral-projecting somewhere. Jen is afraid she hasn’t really seen much of her, and she…she…I…I’d just like to know…”

To see is to be able to report back to yourself.
An adventure is 20 days. (Fucking assholes wou complain about kids getting trophies for participating, but you fucking invented Magnificence in YOUR mundane lives for decades! And you fucking portrayed YOURSELVES as ridiculous “self-made demi-gods”. Fucking ridiculous. About without meaning.


Goldfield, Nevada

At the very end of May, we went on a daytrip to Tonopah, because I’ve never been there. On the way is this little, teeny, tiny town called Goldfield. It was a boomtown for gold mining – hence, yeah.

This wonderful guy, Bryan, opened his gem and mineral shop to us. I spent a long time in there, with Adam patiently waiting while I enjoyed Wonderland. Bryan actually made these buildings, of which there were a few. I didn’t want to cram this whole page with them all…

The cemetery was amazing, and beautiful under all this cloud cover. The locals have really taken care of this place, and restored many of the old pioneer graves. I was surprised at how many people died from gunshot wounds; it was either gunshot, tuberculosis, or killed in a mine.

I flat out asked Bryan if he’d ever seen a ghost in town, and he had many stories he hesitated to share with me, but he could tell I was sincere, and I’m so grateful he did. I wish he was my neighbor – boy, would I love to spend a time or two on his front porch listening to his tales. He had been a sheriff for the county (Nye?) and spent long hours on mostly uninhabited stretches of land. I really wonder all the shit he’s seen! Top it off with ghosts? I’m sold.

By the way, Tonopah was ok, we saw the Clown Motel. Would not stay. Wish I’d taken pics, but I had to get out of that town. The people were fine, but there was some kind of undervibe about the place that was a specific kind of oppressive, like where there’s a meth problem or some such…I don’t know…